The Athletes

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Louden Swain

An underappreciated sports movie (it is more known for Madonna’s hit song, Crazy for You, which was on the soundtrack) Vision Quest was the story of Louden Swain (Matthew Modine) and the standard coming of age of story of an eighteen year old trying to find himself. For him, (in addition to getting the girl) making that mark is challenging the top wrestler (Brian Shute) in the region. It gives us the sports moments we want, with Swain putting himself through physical torture to make the weight to contest against Shute. The end (spoiler alert) has Swain win over Shute…

Louden Swain

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Lucas Bly

Probably the worst athlete on this ballot, Lucas Bly was a small, socially awkward nerdy kid who tried out for the Football team in a desperate attempt to win the heart of a girl and if you are looking for a Hollywood scene where he made good on the field; well that didn’t happen here. You would expect an unathletic kid to get destroyed on the gridiron, and by God that is what happened. Still, it was the guts that he showed to put himself in an impossible situation that finally earned him the respect of his classmates and earned…

Lucas Bly

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Lucy Draper

We could have nominated Sinbad as the second person from this movie, but then we remembered that it was Sinbad. For our money, our favorite supermodel of the late 80’s/early 90’s boom of that profession was Kathy Ireland, which is why we are giving her a nomination here. It wasn’t a great role, but she looked good doing it, which was good enough for us….actually it may have been the only time we can remember looking forward to a Place Kicker in a Football game. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Necessary Roughness (1991) Actor: Kathy Ireland Position Portrayed: Place Kicker…

Lucy Draper

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Luther "Shark" Lavay

As much as this movie had a lot of characters that stood out, only the one of Luther “Shark” Lavay had that feeling of deja-vu. Lavay was billed as the Linebacker who changed the way the position was played; the very statement that was given to the man who portrayed him, Lawrence Taylor. Taylor was not a great actor here, but he was given some of the more poignant gridiron related speeches in the film. With a chainsaw, he taught “Steamin” Willie Beamen offense and defence, and he taught the young Quarterback about emotion in the game. Lavay’s career ended…

Luther Lavay

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Machine Gun Joe Viterbo

Basically on the ballot because….well it’s Stallone; “Machine Gun” Joe Viterbo was the foil to David Carradine in Death Race 2000. We recognize that this far from Sly’s best work, but this is a guilty pleasure of ours…and maybe yours. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Death Race 2000 (1975) Actor: Sylvester Stallone Position Portrayed: Death Race Driver Raced for: His own interests. Why you should vote for him: It’s Stallone! Why you should not vote for him: If you love Sly, there are far better choices here.

Joe Viterbo

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Maggie Fitzgerald

As much as boxing may struggle to find relevancy in the new sporting landscape, we wager that the boxing film will never die. It is the perfect sport for a movie; two combatants, great visuals and dramatic storytelling. Perhaps this is why transferring this to women’s boxing; a sport that never gained mass popularity (and probably never will) can still work in a major movie. Of course it doesn’t hurt to have one of the best directors (Clint Eastwood) and a fine actress (Hilary Swank) to pull it off. Swank played Maggie Fitzgerald, an Ozark born natural pugilist with a…

Maggie Fitzgerald

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Malik Williams

Although Track and Field was not really featured here, we thought we would add Omar Epps on the ballot (again). As Malik Williams in “Higher Learning”, Epps was the lead in an ensemble film about race issues on a university campus. Williams was a track star at the fictitious Columbus University, which allows us to place Epps on the ballot one more time. We grant that this was a very good role for Epps, but is it enough of an athletic one to merit this Hall? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Higher Learning (1995) Actor: Omar Epps Raced for: Columbus…

Malik Williams

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Malik Wright

One of the top shows on BET, “The Game” has managed to cultivate a decent audience in this Football themed comedic soap opera. The main star on the field is Malik Wright, the Quarterback of the San Diego Sabres; but we learn far more about his personal life than anything he ever accomplishes on the gridiron. That is fine for the show, but is it fine for the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame, where we try to place a premium on on-field performance? We will also state that he is constantly overshadowed by his mother; and no matter what the…

Malik Wright

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Marcus Sommers

American Flyers may not have been a very successful movie, but it did give us a few things worth noting. This was the first athletic role (of many) for Kevin Costner. His girlfriend in the flick was an in her prime, Rae Dawn Chong. Costner did not win the race, and all that people took from the movie was that he was in the movie. Actually, Costner’s character had to bow out to an aneurysm, but does that really matter? This is what launched Costner to the Fictitious Athlete sports world. That is good enough for us. The Bullet Points:…

Marcus Sommers

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Mario "Salami" Pettrino

We can’t say we ever thought “Salami” (or the annoying kid in the “Master”) would ever become an acclaimed TV director, but that’s our fault for initially doubting him because he was named for lunch meat. Actually, Salami may have been one of the coolest characters on 70’s television. He was a white basketball player who was friends with, and respected by his black teammates. Despite his nickname, “Salami”, was not a geek, and possibly the coolest white kid in a predominately black High School. Actually, let’s change that too definitely; as he was the kid from Carver who banged…

Mario Pettrino

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Mark Cooper

Sorry, here is another show we never watched beyond an episode or two…and that was while intoxicated. However, “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper” lasted five years on ABC, so once again….somebody must have watched it. Here is what we can tell you. “Mr. Cooper” was played by comedian, Mark Curry, who was not a bad stand up, but always seemed lame in any other situation. We guess Cooper never saved any of that NBA money (why he should he be different than most actual NBA players) and had to teach school and needed roommates. The two roommates was a reject from…

Mark Cooper

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Marvin "Shake" Tiller

We don’t get it. He lost the girl to Burt Reynolds and really didn’t care? What kind of new age Football movie is this, and is this why he turned into a recluse in Blade?

Marvin Tiller

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Mason "The Line" Dixon

Honestly, the opponent in the final installment of the Rocky film series (the aptly titled, Rocky Balboa) was not critical. The movie was more about resurrecting the character from the damage the last film did. Fortunately for Sylvester Stallone and fans of the series, Rocky Balboa did just exactly that. Rocky’s comeback fight was against Mason “The Line” Dixon, played by a legitimate boxing champion, Antonio Tarver. Unlike Tommy Morrison in Rocky V, Tarver was not asked to do more than brood and mumble; and look like a legitimate bad ass. That was perfect, as again, this movie was about…

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Matt Johnson

If we can have Bodhi from Point Break as a nominee, how about a film that celebrated surfing, or at least the spirit of it a little bit better on the ballot? From Big Wednesday we have late 70’s B Movie icon, Jan-Michael Vincent as Matt Johnson in Big Wednesday, a throwback picture to the Vietnam era. Surfing fans consider this a classic, though that is about it. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Big Wednesday (1978) Actor: Jan-Michael Vincent Why You Should Vote For Him: For many this is a surf classic. Why You Should Not Vote For…

Matt Johnson

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Matt Saracen

We wonder if Matt Saracen was the favorite character for a lot the viewers of Friday Night Lights. Saracen (Zach Gilford) was the reluctant hero of the field, the socially awkward backup Quarterback, thrust into a starting role due to an injury to the star. Borrowing from another movie, Saracen did not pull off a “Jon Moxon” and was benched in his Senior year. Still, the role was given a lot of arcs, which is better than 99 percent of characters from television. The Bullet Points: TV Show Appeared: Friday Night Lights (2006-11) Actor: Zach Gilford Position Portrayed: Quarterback Played…

Matt Saracen

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Matthew/Martha

Did you know that all you have to do is put on a wig, and automatically you can pass for a girl? That was all that Jonathan Brandis had to do in “Ladybugs” to become one of our transvestite nominees for the Fictitious Athlete Hall of Fame. This wasn’t exactly the high point of anyone’s career who was in this movie, and if it was; well…doesn’t that say everything about that person’s body of work? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Ladybugs (1992) Actor: Jonathan Brandis Position Portrayed: Striker Played for: The Ladybugs Why you should vote for him: We suppose…

Matthew/Martha

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Matty Reynolds

We admittedly fast forwarded through “How Do You Know” which was by our definition career lows for Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd and Owen Wilson, the latter who played a dopey Pitcher for the Nationals. Since we don’t remember watching him play (or maybe we fast forwarded through that part), we can’t see a huge push for induction. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: How Do You Know (2010) Actor: Owen Wilson Position Played: Pitcher Played For: Washington Nationals Why You Should Vote For Him: You probably shouldn’t. Why You Should Not Vote For Him: This was a poor movie and we…

Matty Reynolds

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Mel Clark

How did Tony Danza remember his lines when his character name wasn’t Tony? Why do angels legitimately give a crap about the outcome of Baseball games? Why did they remake this? What kind of Disney movie kills Tony Danza in the end; and why didn’t that happen in the season finale of “Who’s the Boss?” The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Angels in the Outfield (1994) Actor: Tony Danza Position Portrayed: Pitcher Played for: California Angels Why you should vote for him: His character was a good guy….we guess. Why you should not vote for him: This is not even in…

Mel Clark

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Michael "Squints" Palledorous

We did not put him on the ballot for his play on the Sandlot. We probably did not put him on the ballot for his smart ass comments. No, he is on this ballot because of the way he faked drowning so that he could kiss the hot lifeguard. Well done, Squints, Well done! The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Sandlot (1993) Actor: Chauncey Leopardi Position Portrayed: Infield Played for: The Sandlot Why you should vote for him: The Lifeguard…that is all we got. Why you should not vote for him: If anyone gets in, it should be Benny…

Michael Palledorous

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Michael Andropolis

From the 1979 film, Running, we are introduced to Michael Andropolis (Michael Douglas) an American marathon runner whose competitive drive has him race too fast in the beginning gassing him out before the end. He qualifies fourth for the Montreal Olympics and gets to compete due to an injury to one of the top three. At the Olympics, Andropolis does what he always did roaring to a huge lead, but slips on wet leaves injuring himself in the process. He finishes the race, proving he his no quitter to a great ovation. Funny, we could have easily seen Douglas in…

Michael Andropolis

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Michael Bannon

Long before the Cannonball Run, the first inspired movie from the real “Sea to Shining Sea” race across the United States was the Gumball Rally, which may not have had the same all-star cast as Cannonball, but for many was a superior film. From that film, the nominee we have is Michael Bannon (Michael Sarrazin) the main protagonist of the film and the man who really set the Gumball Rally in motion. We have not really seen auto racing do well here, but could this unique film be the exception? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: The Gumball Rally…

Michael Bannon

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Michael Delaney

“Le Mans” may have tanked, but this was really a pet project for avid race fan, Steve McQueen. The legendary movie star portrayed Michael Delaney, and we watched him race the grueling 24 hour consecutive race held annually in France. Dialogue is at a minimum in this movie, and the real star is not the squinting eyes of Steve McQueen, but the footage and cinematography making this unlike any other auto racing film until that point. Unlike other McQueen projects, this has not lived on, but to diehard race fans, it has found a following. Beyond that set, chances are…

Michael Delaney

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Michelle Langford

You know what the great thing about this movie was for Vivica A. Fox? As the critics (correctly) roasted this turd, the lovely Miss Fox was spared the shrapnel from the film, and continued to have a decent career. With all of that said…regular visitors to Notinhalloffame.com may already know what we think of the WNBA. Is there any reason to think that a player from a fictitious WUBA (their version of the WNBA) team should get in here? The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Juwanna Mann (2002) Actor: Vivica A. Fox Position Portrayed: Point Guard (We Think) Played for: Charlotte…

Michelle Langford

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Mighty Steel Leg Sing

Normally we will have issues when a sports film has no basis in reality, but with Shaolin Soccer, it was easy to overlook the absurd. This Hong Kong megahit became internationally successful, and was fun to watch regardless of whether you watched it in subtitles. As such, we are placing on the ballot the main star of the film, “Mighty Steel Leg” Sing, the leader a striker of Team Shaolin. It may not be a movie that you’ve seen, but those that have can attest that there is no other sports film like it. The Bullet Points: Movie Appeared: Shaolin…

Mighty Steel Leg Sing

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Miguel "Magic" Escobar

Every boxing film needs a villain and that is exactly what we got in Miguel “Magic” Escobar, a Hispanic thug who tried to bait Billy “The Great” Hope into to defending his Light Heavyweight Title against him. He managed to eventually win the title but you don’t have to have watched the film to know whom he would defend that title against do you?